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Remember when you first got together with your husband or boyfriend and couldn’t pull yourselves out of bed? No? Well then it’s been too long! Just because life—paying the bills, taking care of the kids and keeping the house in order—has gotten in the way doesn’t mean you have to shelve the idea of a hot sex life. We talked to the experts and learned there are plenty of ways to rev up your engines again.
1. Do your household chores. It may seem counterintuitive, but crossing tasks off your to-do list will put you in a much better mental space for sex. “Research has shown that, unlike men, in order for women to relax into arousal and experience orgasm, the parts of their brain that associate with outside stressors must deactivate during sex,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and founder of GoodInBed.com. So while your husband may have no problem getting busy while your house is crumbling around you, you need to feel like there’s a sense of order. Tackle your list of chores in order to create a stress-free mental environment that’s conducive to sex.
2. Hit the gym. There’s a pleasant domino effect in going for a brisk jog or taking a spinning class: When you feel good about yourself, you’ll be much more in the mood to burn some more calories between the sheets. “Not only will you feel more energetic after a sweat session, but you’ll get your endorphins—which put you in the mood for sex–– going as well,” says Dennis Lin, MD, director of the Psychosexual Medicine Program at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City. Working out with your partner is also a great way to squeeze in some extra time together—plus, “since you’re usually wearing less clothing, it’s an easy way to check out your partner’s body and get turned on.”
3. Take notice when your husband is playing with the kids. According to Dr. Kerner, many women report being more interested in sex after seeing their partner spend time with the kids. “It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective—knowing your husband is a good dad will validate and stimulate those reproductive urges. It’s a win-win situation!”