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Curtains

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Yes, curtains; you know why? Coz we live in a flat, which is part of a bunch of apartments, which are really close to each other, and the one episode or friends, the one where Rachel roams around naked, and gets caught, or the other one about Chandler and Monica getting caught, well scenarios like that tend to happen; oh my god, what happened to my childhood, why was I corrupting myself! Eek!

Well, add in the local geek kids and their stupid telescopes and their canons, and it’s like it’s the nineties all over again. So I am totally going to talk about Curtains.

Curtains are an easy way to make your home look like a million bucks. The type of curtains you use, the way you hand them, the appearance of the rods or the hanging accessories, the sashes you use to tie them up, how many curtains you use, the layers and sizes, the locations, the lengths; it all matters, and it’s pretty easy to understand curtain science, and find your own ways to customize.

Here’s what you’ll need to know

Thick large full length curtains don’t always leave the room stuffy, and some materials can actually keep the cool in and the heat out. Some even cool the room down, and there’s this new material that is anti-perspiration efficient, so you can keep it from absorbing last night’s party into itself. Colours don’t matter as much as the material does; yes, the special cooling curtains are a bit pricey, but it’s worth it. And they are really big and thick, so they have such screen presence, for real.

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There are two kinds of water curtains; well more but I’ll get to that.

The first are the water-spouting water curtains. They may have backs or not, and the backs maybe of glass or some opaque materials.

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The ones without backs tend to be messy so they’re preferred outdoors.

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There is a type that uses slow flow rates and metal rods as a means to control the flow of water in some indoor fountains.

And the Peninsula, Honk Kong uses some other technologies to do this.

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And if you’ve ever watched Monster House, you’ll know you can install them just about anywhere, without having to spend the year on a low budget to pay for the renovations. Or you can do what we’ve done in one room; we stacked a couple of mini fountains, like a wall, together. We had some help, and we are pretty good with science, so we knew what we were doing; we had to take it all off because of the cat, and the electric issues. There was this space around the power strips that actually got sort of charged, and we didn’t have anything to ground it with, and she (cat) kept moving everything around when we did use some grounding slabs. Okay, don’t do what we did.

We are going to try with a mechanical version; we’ll see how it goes.  There was this one guy who was tryingsomething  way back; also when I was still in the dorms, we used to fill airbeds with water and use rods on the inside……okay I should stop talking about that.

Valances, Cornice boards and Pelmets

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They are the generally wooden coverings in front of the rods, made popular doing the renaissance, to hide the ugly rods and hooks. It’s basically a wooden or metal frame you can fit in front of your curtain rods anywhere. You can bolt them to the rodwork or to the walls.

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They are sort of the do-it-yourself type, if you’re familiar with carpentry, and they’re also cheap to have set up. You can try the valance shelves too. Alternately you can use the second small mini layer thing, that Persian thing, on the top to cover the rods; they look real bad, so yes, covering them up really does oomph the room up.

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Using big curtains automatically makes the room look really grand and posh, and larger than it is. Layering the curtains with lace underneath also amps up the elegance. It works on homes of all sizes.

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And if you use curtains everywhere, the place will look so pimped up, it’s ridiculous; we were bored, so the three of us ordered like twelve sets, in bulk, and hung them everywhere in the hall, and oh my god, the room looked huge!! And dark, so we played monopoly with the others with fake pipes when they came over, and then we modified the pipes with the straw cap pipes; the Pinkman stereotype is right on the mark, the stereotype, not the slogan. Well the slogan is too, but I mean the young alcoholic doper who likes science part.

Yeah, curtains!! (PG 13 edition)

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